Pez Dispensers Are Forever

[Combat Sleeve]

Sean Connery is
James "Kibo" Parry
in
Pez dispensers are Forever
[...]
S: No, I bought it at IKEA. What do you know about Pez, Parry?
K (his face expressionless): It's a semi-precious but extremely toxic
substance in his raw form, although used in many fine cuisine dishes in
its processed form. The market for Pez is entirely controlled by the Pez
Corporation. Not much is known about this company, except that it's under
the control of a Mysterious Colonel.

K: Pez. Semi-precious in its raw form, highly toxic. The Fakirs of
East India use it to induce women to do the most perverted things.
Highly prized, it's -- excuse me, I'm getting a call. They need me
to appear in "Highlander 8 Meets Zardoz". I play a talking twig. (Exits)

[...}
K (emotionless): Tripoli? Casablanca? Moscow?
S: No, Shenectady.

Shpelling, S, you mishpelt Schenectady.

[...]
SHOW: Stock footage of a flying British Airways Concorde

Is it all burry and grainy and distorted like that one at the end of
"South Park" that they use to fly the paper cutouts of the guest
stars to the computer where they make the cartoon every week?
Man, I don't want to fly any airline that only supplies EP-mode VHS
tapes to shows about toilet-mouthed toddlers made out of scrap paper.

[...]
[Kibo sees the Midget.

I think you should expand this to the whole movie: KIBO SEES A MIDGET.

[...]
[Kibo and his girl are in this movie's Kibomobile. It's a
magnificent new KIA. In the background, we see a column of thick,
black smoke.]

THIS button eliminates the pursuing sports cars by laying a thick
carpet of broken auto parts all over the highway!

[...]
[We see Kibo and Kibo Girl looking at the magnificent city of
Shenectady, with its 13 bungalows, down the mountain. Kibo is watching
something through his binoculars. It's a warehouse with a 20 meter-high
red neon sign on top, saying: "Pez Corporation."]

Spy Fox enters and complains that the entire building tastes like soap.
Then Leah Verre cheats at "Go Fish" and "Hide The Toothbrush".

[...]
K: It's exactly like an umbrella except you can also use it
as a parachute. That's why it's called "bumberchute." Grab
me hard by the waist. We're going down.
Girl: Is it safe, James?
K: How should I know, no one has ever tried it.

"As safe as anything can be when designed by Don Saklad."
(passing her the umbrella handle) "Think you can HANDLE this?"
...and don't forget that we have to be broadcast live to all
kings and queens throughout England while we make out.

[Kibo jumps as he opens up the bumberchute. They go down smoothly,
then touch the ground. The letters "BPL" are clearly visible on top
of the hybrid umbrella-parachute.]

I thought that said "hybrid potato" because apparently my eyes can
glue together two wholly unrelated words into a related word.
Did they go for "portabella"? No, they went for "potato". Because
potatos are shaped like umbrellas and mushrooms are shaped like footballs.

[...]
K: Oh. It's a Pez-o-Meter model 13-09-1999. It can detect Pez
hidden in a pack of Cheez, from a distance of 100 km.

Waah! I don't WANT to find Pez with stupid cheez glop stuck to them!
I want a detector that detects the lack of cheez in Pez!
And to remind me if I lose the detector, I want another detector
that detects the lack of detectors!
[rest of movie elided to save some suspense for the theater.]
-- K.
By "theater" I mean the
illegitimate stage.

Got nothin', just like the title of the thread.

The Martians are coming.

[fB]

Post by Combat Sleeve
Got nothin', just like the title of the thread.
The Martians are coming.

Silly in-jokes from 19 (now 27) years before are somewhat hard to grasp, yes.

You had to be here.